I don’t typically write controversial posts, I stay out of political or topical debates. But sometimes it can’t be helped. So here we go …
Most of us aren’t in the public eye, but what if we were? We put a lot of stuff “out there” with social media, but what about the things you said to someone 20 years ago? What if that could hurt you now? (“What if this blog post hurts me tomorrow?” she wonders aloud before hitting the “publish” button.)
I don’t know about you, but I’m not perfect.
Neither is Paula Deen.
Imagine this: Your boss or a potential employer Googles you and comes across a tweet you wrote that they consider inappropriate, a compromising party photo on Instagram, a questionable someecard on your Facebook or Pinterest page. You might get in trouble, or not get the job you’re after.
Or maybe, someone says you used a racial slur more than 20 years ago, you admit it, and bam, you lose your gig on the Food Network (to start, the others are following now).
I’m not defending Deen’s use of a racial slur; I don’t know what really happened or if she and her brother were racially and sexually harassing the woman who is suing them (two completely different but now intertwined situations).
I’m just wondering where we draw the line.
If there’s a statute of limitations on most crimes, why not on regrettable word choice? And not for nothing, but if what I read is to be believed, she used the word in conversation with her husband when talking about some guy who held a gun to her head as he robbed the bank she worked at – just saying. I think most people in that situation would be swearing and using colorful language, no pun intended. I’m not saying that makes a racial slur acceptable, but if I had a gun to my head, I hope people would cut me some slack if they were offended by my language.
But often, things get taken too far, and yeah, I think racism and prejudice can be among them. Jokes, too – Deen was asked during a deposition if she’s ever told racial jokes, she said she hadn’t. I can’t imagine the uproar if she had admitted to that. But I just don’t think that every joke about a race, an ethnicity, a sexual orientation etc. should be taken as such a huge slap in the face.
Seriously folks, we have to learn to lighten up a bit, to laugh at ourselves. If I got mad and offended every time someone told a joke about a drunken Irishman or a redheaded stepchild, I’d be spending an awful lot of time ticked off.
So here’s my point: Not everything we’ve done in our past should come back to haunt our present and our future, to damage our livelihood. Not every word we’ve used in private conversation, as a private citizen, should be for public consumption. It should be about who we are now, not who we were then. Using an unpopular, inappropriate, catty, mean or dirty word 20-plus years ago shouldn’t result in the loss of employment now.
If she was convicted of the harassment charges that brought out this 20-year-old slur, and then lost her job, that would be a different story. But that’s not the case.
Consider this: A little more than 20 years ago I was working in North Carolina and my boss, who was about 30 years older than me, told me that when she was 18 she attended a KKK rally, simply out of curiosity. She grew up in a tiny town in South Carolina in the 1940s and ‘50s, it was normal in her community and she wanted to see what it was all about. Should she have been fired years later for admitting that she attended such an event when she was 18? Of course not. So why is Deen’s situation different?
I’m not even a Paula Deen fan. I don’t dislike her either. I don’t watch her show or buy her books, mainly because I don’t cook. So I don’t think the argument should be about Deen, specifically. It should be about principle – should she have been fired for something she said more than 20 years ago?
We learn as we go, and to judge someone, to punish them now for something they said ages ago, something that may be distasteful to the majority but is in no way illegal, isn’t teaching anyone anything. Not anything good anyway. It’s just teaching that if you take offense to something, then someone has to pay, especially if it’s someone who is in the public eye. It’s just another part of our sue-happy culture.
Do I use the word she was fired for using? No, never have, don’t expect that I ever will. Do I use any racial slurs? Nope. Have I ever told a racial joke? Not that I can think of.
But if we’re going to hold people accountable for such comments and behavior, if we’re going to fire people for using a racial slur during a private conversation more than two decades ago, or telling inappropriate jokes at any time in their lives, then I want everyone who’s ever told a joke about a drunken Irishman fired. Now. Because you know, we Irish are very sensitive about our drinking habits.
NOTE: Do you think firing someone for using a racial slur decades ago is a reasonable reaction? Or do you think they went overboard out of fear of losing viewers and sponsors?
Somewhere in the Middle 
Funny that this is your blog topic this week. This has been bothering me. I think we can also say that she was raised in a different time and in the South where terms like that weren’t necessarily considered derogatory. Like you, I can take her or leave her, but I feel that she is being punished for something that was a long time ago and possibly taken out of context. I guess, going forward, it is a lesson learned, especially in this digital age where our words may never die, they will love on longer than us!
Well said.
Great post, Ellan. I cannot tell you how happy I am that Facebook and Twitter didn’t exist 20 or 30 years ago. It’s bad enough that I can recall all the stupid things I’ve said over the years; I don’t need anyone else being able to pull up my pearls of wisdom decades later. On the other hand, I’ve never used racial epithets in my life so if I was recorded 25 years ago, you’d hear me asking a friend something stupid like, “Is it ever ok to give my hyperactive 5-year-old Benadryl so that I can read a chapter of a book?”. (Just kidding, Alan. I never actually did it!). That’s why I’m entirely on the fence about this whole Paula Deen thing. I got pushed down, got scraped up knees and had my brand-new skirt torn when I was about 7-years-old because a boy called my best friend “a chocolate baby.” Even at 7 I knew that it was terrible to say such a thing and I went off on him (thus the shove and the torn skirt). Even today, I can still recall exactly who it was that said that. Maybe he’s a changed person today, maybe Paula Deen is, too. But we don’t really know for sure, do we?
I think its apples to oranges though when a persons name IS their livelihood. I don’t think a person should be held to task over things they said years ago especially if their actions prove otherwise. But would I want a person to represent my million or billion dollar corporation once their past became noteworthy? Not likely. I am very lucky that “Missy Ambrose” never has been nor is it likely to become a brand. But if it does, I will always be mindful of how fleeting and fickle that name recognition can be.
I agree Ellen. Good post!!
Amen, Ellen! I’m pretty sure there’s. Little something in each of our pasts that we would prefer never come to light. You’re right – we have to lighten up! Thanks for another great post.